I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
