Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
