White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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