The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
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