Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
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