To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
