I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
