I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
time to smoke my breakfast
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
