If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
