i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
