I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
