I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
