Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
