I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
