if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
