You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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