Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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