Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
