What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
