Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize