Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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