Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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