Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
