Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Randomize
