Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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