Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
