She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
There's always time for handjobs
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
