you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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