she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
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