Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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