I wanna passion pit in your ass
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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