I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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