Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i dont even know how to be here
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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