so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
