Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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