Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
