I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
