i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
