I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
