Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
