i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
