Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
