maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
