Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
