So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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