Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
