you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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