As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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