I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
My friends, they love my intelligence
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
