you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
