I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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