Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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