are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize