I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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