Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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