hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
And then my night got REAL pukey
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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