Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
