Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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