btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
