He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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