I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
