Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
is it fun? or sober?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize