Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
