if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
