walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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