Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
So vagazzling was a success
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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