even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
