he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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