...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
