she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
