I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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